/// J U S T . B E C A U S E

Whenever I want something, I first ask myself, "Why?"

"Why would I want this?" (or "What would I use it for?" to be exact) is not a bad question to ask - it protects me from unnecessary splurge, but "Why would I deserve this?" is the bad question.

I once bought a Marc by Marc Jacobs watch on the plane ride from Hawaii to Korea, but only after spending a good amount of time thinking of a reason why I deserved it. To be honest, I just really liked the design, and it's not like I buy myself a watch all the time... but it just felt wrong to want something expensive. Splurging and unwise money spending is no good, of course, but someone once told me that you are mastered by money not only when you have a problem spending too much of it, but also when you have a problem spending it at all. In my case, I had a set budget each month to spend on whatever I want, but I still had a hard time spending money when it came to buying things for myself.

So through my recent trip to Europe with my hubby, I went through "How To Treat Your Desires 101" with God - the gist of it is that I learned to stop neglecting my desires and to start asking for things, with the right attitude and heart behind it.

When we were planning for our trip to Netherlands and Belgium, I had the hardest time answering my hubby whenever he would ask, "What do you want to do there?" or "What do you want out of this trip?" I wasn't used to thinking about what I want. I thought that was wrong, so it was stressful just to think about the question. But I managed to make a list of things I wanted to get, which helped us to decide where we want to go: cross stitch patterns, snow globe (I collect them from wherever I go), fabric, leather bag, table cover, wooden toys, picture frames, things for the wall, one memorable jewelry, and others... which I thought were very silly things to want out of our grandiose Europe trip.

So when the trip was over, I was quite in awe of how God satisfied me in every way, and how almost everything on my list got checked off - they were in turn gifts from God. In the past, I was scared to want things because I didn't want to be let down... but through this little treasure hunt with God, I found the joy of asking (because I realized that He cares for my desires) and the lesson to be thankful even when I don't receive, because that doesn't mean God is not good.

When we were looking for one memorable jewelry, I was once again telling myself that it's excessive (because I knew it would be a bit pricy... I'm unfortunately allergic to most metals except gold! I find that very ironic) and that I should forget about it. Then on the last day of our trip, JM and I came across a small jewelry shop in one of the alleyways of Bruges... and I found this ring that I caught my eyes. I started doing the whole "why" thing again and told the shop owner that we'll come back later. I was really blessed by John-Michael because he insisted on getting the ring for me, so we went back to the store and got this little gem; the shop owner told us that most of his customers couldn't even try the ring on because the ring was too small.

[the ring fit me perfectly. it was quite romantic (Cinderella?).]

As I was reflecting on the trip, God whispered, "Hey, you see how much I care for your desires? I know exactly what you want and what you like, and it's my joy to satisfy you." And I asked him, "Why would you want to give them to me? What did I do to deserve it?" 

And his answer was simple. "Just because." "Have you seen a parent who comes up with reasons before loving his child - by clothing him, feeding him, and wanting to provide the best for him?" 

"I give just because I love you. Just because I want to."